Courtesy and Civility

“But understand this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For people will be
lovers of themselves, greedy, boasters, haughty, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, irreverent, without natural affection, relentless, slanderers, uncontrolled, brutal, with no love for the good, treacherous, conceited, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God” (II Timothy 3:1)

I don’t know if it’s the last days or not, but the above features describe many with whom we now share what is still called a culture. Read through the list and note how many of those negative characteristics have been demonstrated to you at one time or another.

One blessing in traveling out of the country is the realization that certain features of courtesy and civility remain in many other nations on the globe. Visit Hawaii, and one immediately senses a warmth and grace from the natives. Yes, it may be that some of it is stimulated by the good sense to treat us foreigner “haoli” like “ohana,” or family, but for the most part it appears genuine. Or the Japanese who make their idiosyncratic pigeon bob upon entering and leaving an elevator or subway to acknowledge that other people are present. Germans will invariably say “Guten tag” when entering any shop or restaurant and “Wiedersein,” or if they know you, “Chuss” when leaving. Even the French, whom Americans love to hate, show some respect for others by whispering or talking in low tones in restaurants or on trains and the metro. Or course it would be wrong and unfair to praise people in ancient civilizations elsewhere and overlook the boorish and rude among them, but they do have centuries of customs that live on through them, whereas in America we are displaying the arrogance of an empire without a commensurate seasoning that ought to come with time.

In America boorish disregard for the awareness of other people in public places is growing ever shoddier with the now ubiquitous cell phones. At least in the past one was ignored; now we are disregarded. Worse, acquaintances will shout at one another across crowded restaurants as though only they were present in the dining room. In elevators they continue a conversation on their cell phones. It’s become a normal way of life as rudeness and disregard to other people is taken as the natural rights of those who have no upbringing or consideration for the feelings of anybody but themselves.

It was said that in visiting a foreign land the French will wonder who owns it, the British will act as if they own it, the Germans will try to own it, and the Americans don’t care who owns it. I suppose it was cute a half century ago when western Europe overlooked the naïve innocence and lack of culture by the troops who fought and died to liberate their countries from Nazi oppression, but since then the times have changed.

One great benefit that comes with growing into adulthood is that one becomes free to choose his or her environment. We grownups are liberated from riding the school bus, spending the whole day with peers who often antagonize them, mock them, humiliate them and worse. Some schools now have the same metal detectors at their entrances that screeners use at airports and courthouses. We live in fear of one another, even in schools. More, it’s become our way of life. Television and motion pictures are replete with vulgarity, sexual innuendoes, put-downs and outright physical beatings. I pray, worry and whenever possible console the children entrusted to our spiritual care, because they are really the frontline of Orthodox Christianity in a world that has reverted to paganism and the characteristic features of those without regard for others, as described so well by St. Paul in his letter to his spiritual son Timothy. Just as the apostle encouraged and gave hope to his precious disciple, so must we all support one another in the present society. Not only the parents but also all of us have a mighty challenge to offer hope, affection, and encouragement to the children of our Church, and to God’s children of all ages.