Evil Memories

“O Lord our God, who bowed the heavens and came down for the salvation of man, look upon Your servants and Your inheritance, for to You the awesome Judge who loves all mankind have they bowed their heads not expecting help from men, but hoping in Your mercy and awaiting Your salvation. Protect them at all times, but especially in this present evening and the coming night from every enemy, from every wile of the devil, from vain thoughts and evil memories…” (Ending prayer of Vespers)

We could call it the psychology of our salvation. The blessed fathers who composed the prayers of the services centuries past understood all the spiritual challenges that confront us. Here especially at evening when the sun sets and darkness envelopes us, our defenses are low and we are prey for the evil forces to attack us at our weakest moments, just as we adjust to the night and lie down to sleep. Watch a dog whirl in a circle before falling asleep, as if to surround itself within a safe area; but we poor creatures are exposed to the invisible enemies. They provoke us with “vain thoughts and evil memories.” With our guard down, we are fair game to be used and abused for the sake of sport.

Vain thoughts enticing our minds when we are entering the adventure of sleep are often unreal, foolish or impractical. We create myths about ourselves that evaporate with daylight and would be harmless unless they continue to feed our fantasies and prevent us from taking up the serious business of the day. Many miss the moment of opportunity, daydreaming precious time away with illusions.

Evil memories, however, are even more dangerous to our souls and the spiritual growth that ought to be our constant concern. Captured in the popular phrase “couldashouldawoulda,” you didn’t you shouldn’t, and you would not have, given the opportunity to do whatever it was that you felt you had missed doing at the time. What happens when you regurgitate the traumatic moment and conjure up all the negative emotions you felt but repressed at the time? And you repressed them for good reason. It would have been inappropriate behavior that your good sense understood and conveyed to your conscience. What “could, should, would” you have done that now comes to your mind with your head on your pillow? It’s an evil memory because Satan is taunting you to live it out again. Feel the inner rage. Taste the blood roiling up in your veins. Get ready to fight. Welcome that “old brain” that physiologists tell us comes from the fight or flight memory of savage times eons past.

As Christians, we are followers of the Prince of Peace, the Son of God who came into our world and taught us the ethics of the Kingdom of heaven. We cannot afford to allow ourselves to be dragged back into the savagery that is part of our ancestry. We are cheek turners, extra mile walkers, lovers of those who hate us, victims rather than combatants. Not by accident nearly half the saints in our calendar are in the category of martyrs. They witnessed in their time and when offered the fight/flight opportunity, did neither. Rather, they stood, holding their crosses or making the cross over themselves, as icons of endurance. How best to change the world’s values other than to make yourself a living poster of the hope that is within you?

Evil doesn’t exist—it occupies the space evacuated by positive spiritual energy. At night especially when our guard is down, it slinks about and hovers around us looking for an entry to our memory. The spiritually advanced warn us to “set a guard” around our thoughts, lest they be penetrated with ideas that at minimum frustrate and annoy us, at worst taunt us with delusions, call us names such a coward, fool, sluggard and others that would drag us down and pull us from the arms of the Lord. The antidote is tried, tested and found workable. It’s to pray with the name of Jesus on your lips: “Lord, Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”