“Then Peter, turning around, sees the disciple whom Jesus loved following: the one who leaned on His breast at supper and said, ‘Lord, who is the one who will betray You?’ Peter seeing him said to Jesus, what shall this man do? Jesus told him, ‘If I wish him to remain till My return, what is it to you?’” (John 21:20)
“There came to Him a certain man kneeling before Him and saying: ‘Lord have mercy on my son who is a lunatic….I brought him to Your disciples and they could not cure him.’ Then Jesus answered, ‘O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?’” (Matthew 17:15)
Two types of people go in search of Jesus: Those who want something from Him, and those like St. John who only want to be with Him. Neither is ever satisfied. It’s the same relationship between children and parents. What can they do for me, versus how can I be with them? Contrast the two most prominent apostles, Sts. Peter and John. Peter will go on after the crucifixion and resurrection to be the acknowledged leader of the Church, and yet not before he is forgiven three times for his triple disavowal of being a disciple of the Lord. Even in the early days of the Lord’s ministry we find the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law. There is nothing comparable in the life of John, even being the only one to put his life in his hands by standing at the foot of the Lord’s cross. His greatest joy was to be loved in a special way by Jesus.
It came to mind while observing the traumatic struggle with a terminal form of cancer by a famous performer on screen and television. Her “significant other,” to use the euphemism for those who live together without being married, in an interview expressed aloud his innermost thoughts. “Why would God allow such a beautiful person to die?” It reminded me of the epileptic’s father in the quotation above. Granted, he approached our Lord Jesus with a respectful bow; however, after that he complained—I brought my son to be healed and Your disciples failed to do what I wanted. Note that Jesus did not respond to the man but rather to the entire society that produced such an attitude. Why would the man presume that he had some right to demand the grace of healing from the Lord? In a parallel version, the Lord confronted the man directly, asking if he had faith—In God? In the Spirit of God within the man? In the ability of the disciples to perform a miracle in the name of the Lord? The man hardly understood: “I believe, help my unbelief.” A shrewd response. Give me some reason to believe, he tells Jesus. The man had brought nothing to the disciples but skepticism, and that attitude proved to be vindicated. Now he announces to the Lord that he would believe in God after the miracle, not before.
How would genuine faith help? Authentic faith is trust in the living God and in His plan for everything that comes to pass. Rather than manipulating God to do our will, it contains real prayer, the communication between the Creator and us creatures who have been given the precious gift of opening ourselves to God’s will for everything that happens. All our prayers have the same codicil of Christ in Gethsemane garden. He prayed, “Father, if it be Your will, let this cup pass from Me. Nevertheless let Your will be done.” Sincere faith includes the openness to the Lord’s will for our lives—whether healthy or handicapped, whether extended into old age or cut short, the true believer will say: “Thy will be done.”