Session 2: “With the saints give rest O Lord” - Death and Dying
"With
the Saints give rest O Christ, to the souls of thy servants, where sickness
and sorrow are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting.”
Aim:
This session attempts to present the Orthodox approach to dying and death.
Maybe some participants are unfamiliar with an Orthodox funeral or the memorial
services. Certainly, secular American culture attempts to hide and sanitize
death, acting in immense denial of human mortality. The Orthodox approach
does not back away from death, but denies its power by virtue of the Cross.
Before participants are led to see the tragedy of death by abortion, euthanasia,
capital punishment and suicide, they need to see the tragedy of death in general
and learn of its significance to Christian life. This may seem morbid. That's
okay. Young people are surrounded with images of death and violence but these
are often very unreal, and occasionally even romanticized. This session is
a chance to deal with death in a more realistic manner.
Objectives:
By the end of this session, students should be able . . .
1.
To sing parts of the memorial service and or funeral services.
2.
To discuss the Gospel message of hope in the face of death and the loss of
loved ones.
3.
To articulate Orthodox practices relating to the dead.
4.
To list their own "family trees" as they understand them and discuss
the continuity of the Church community as the living and the dead in Christ.
(following session 1, activity #4)
5.
To express emotions of mourning and understand better the grieving process.
Useful texts:
The Reading for Lazarus Saturday (John 11:1-44)
1
Thessalonians 4:13-18
2
Corinthians 5:1-10
Funeral
Services and Panakhida book.
Materials:
|
Prayer
lists |
|
kollyva
and/or bread |
|
Copies
of prayer sheet at end of this session. |
Procedure:
I.
Opening Prayer
II.
Check-In and Review
III.
Activity #1: Remembering the Departed
IV.
Activity #2: W. W. J. D.?
V.
Activity #3: Prayer Lists
VI.
Conclusions
VII.
Closing Prayer
I.
Opening Prayer
In
addition to the usual prayer, teach the tropar With the Souls of the Righteous
(Tropar Tone 4) located on the prayer sheet at the end of this session
II.
Check-In:
Before
beginning activities, make sure that participants know who every one is. Go
around and ask every one to briefly say their names, how they are, and ask
them to share one thing that they have lost recently that was dear to them.
Then briefly explain to them the nature of this session and that they will
be asked to discuss death, dying, and loss.
III.
Activity #1: Remembering the Departed
Time: 15-20 minutes
This activity is
designed so that participants
can discuss their own personal experiences with death and the grieving process.
It is not intended to be an excessively emotional activity, even though it
can bring up powerful emotions. Be prepared by staying calm and pastoral,
leading your flock as it were through the valley of the shadow of
death. You may wish to have participants keep a journal and record
their answers to the questions you ask them.
We
have already talked about something we have lost that was dear to us. When
we lose someone dear to us those feelings of loss can feel incredibly strong.
There are many ways in which we can cope with those feelings. Some are unhealthy
and destructive, and some can help us grow and learn things new about our
lives. Our Orthodox Church has developed important means for us to deal with
grief, loss, and mourning.
Has
anyone here ever attended an Orthodox funeral?
Do you think that our funerals can be very emotionally charged, and
make lasting impressions? [relate some of your own experiences.]
Maybe
you have also seen funerals in other Churches-- they are often quite different.
These earliest impressions can teach us a lot about how we understand death
and grieving. Think back and see if you can remember some of the images you
associate with what happens when someone dies. It could be related to a funeral,
or a memorial service but it doesn't have to be. Sometimes we remember how
other people are reacting-- it may be the first time we have seen a family
member cry.
What
are some of your images, impressions, memories? [Write down on chalkboard
or equivalent all responses. Examples include: the sad songs, closing the
coffin, an empty feeling, my father crying, rain, smell of the funeral home,
kissing the departed, etc.]
When
someone we know dies, especially a close friend or family member, these can
be life-changing experiences for us. The Church teaches us to take death very
seriously, and not to try to just forget about it and pretend it won't happen
to us. The Church asks us to remember death as we go through our lives, as
we prepare ourselves to be with Christ who died in order that we might have
life.
What are some ways that we cope with death? What are some examples of things
people do to deal with their feelings when someone dies? [Examples include:
get depressed and cry, get drunk, hide their feelings, wail, get angry.]
Grief
is a special process that we all go through. It is good for us to grieve and
to mourn so that we can continue with our lives and grow spiritually from
the experience of not only having lost a loved one, but from having had that
relationship to begin with. Grieving is a chance to take stock of life, ours,
our loved ones, and what God has intended for us. Grief usually happens to
us in stages that we move through (we may not move through all of them).
Based
upon the reactions people have to death what do you think these stages might
be? In small groups, try to make a list of the stages of grief. [There
are generally about six stages of grief:
1.
Shock:
difficulty accepting, emotional numbness, disbelief and denial.
2.
Anger
and Resentment: Looking for someone to blame, such as God, doctors, family.
3.
Guilt: feeling guilty about your own actions, blaming yourself.
4.
Depression:
loss of energy, appetite, emotional withdrawal, doubt.
5.
Loneliness:
a sense of loss and isolation in one's grief.
6.
Hope: accepting the loss and rebuilding one's sense of life and the
value of life, realizing the enrichment of life that the person brought to
you and having hope in the life to come.]
Compare
each groups lists when they have finished. Point out similarities and try
to come up with a comprehensive list that they can record in journals.
Death
is a powerful reality when it comes into our lives. When we discuss issues
involving death, we should always remember its power to affect our lives.
We can grow as human beings when we approach death from a Christ-centered,
heart-centered way. As Orthodox Christians, we are called to proclaim that
Christ has trampled down death by death, and that death has lost its sting.
But death can still sting those of us who still live!
Death
should not be the final word in our lives and it is not for those that have
gone ahead of us. Next we will look at what the Church teaches about death
and Christ's triumph. It is the Church that can bring us through our grief
to that stage of hope, the hope of the Resurrection.
IV.
Activity #2: What would Jesus
Christ Do?
Time: 15-20
minutes
This is a directed
Bible Study of the basic reading from the Saturday of Lazarus. John 11:1-45
tells the story of grief and hope that is so important to our understanding
of the life and death of Christ. Rightly, Lazarus' Resurrection is a prelude
and promise of the general Resurrection. This story also demonstrates Christ's
very human self and his divine love for us.
The
Church teaches us to deal with the challenges we face by looking to God as
the example. What would Jesus Christ do, if He were to lose a loved one? [Raise
them from the dead, etc.]
The
Story of Lazarus in the Gospel of John tells the story of just what happened
when one of Jesus' beloved died. Starting with John 11:1, read one verse then
pass the Gospel on to the next person, to read one verse and pass it on, and
so on. When you think you have heard the specific answer to the question,
"What would Jesus do if he lost a loved one?" raise your hand silently.
Then we will discuss it.
Since
it is a long passage, have the students read it in a circle, passing the text
from person to person as they read one verse each. When they think they have
heard the answer Scripture gives to "W. W. J. D.?" they should raise
their hand. Reading line by line should emphasize verse 35, known as the shortest
verse in scripture. This verse is also about grief. It is this line that provides
the answer to "W. W. J. D.?" See how many people raise their hand
to this line and then stop after verse 37 (a verse which also asks in its
own way "W. W. J. D.?"). Then discuss what verses people picked
and why vs. 35 is an important example of how Jesus loves us and shows us
how to be. Then have them read through verse 45. You may also consider if
you have an active, theatrical group to do a dramatic retelling of this story
as a later peer ministry exercise.
V.
Activity #3: Prayer Lists
Time: 15-30 minutes.
You will need paper
and writing implements for this exercise. Also, have blank prayer list sheets,
these should have space for prayers for the living and prayers for the dead.
Each person should have some paper and something to write with. This activity
follows activity #4: Family Trees from the last session. Students should have
their family trees available for this activity. If they have not developed
their trees, or were absent from session 1, have them spend a few minutes
writing one up off their memory, which they can do even while answering the
following questions.
Now turn to 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. This is the epistle reading for the funeral
service. St. Paul is telling us something about what happens to us when we
die and when our loved ones die. What kind of feeling does he inspire? [Hope,
etc.]
What St. Paul describes is pretty incredible. What does he say in vs. 17,
what is the key idea? [We will be together with the Lord.] How? [By the Resurrection]
The
Church teaches us over and over a very important lesson. We are not alone
in death or in grief, and we will be with each other even after death and
we will be with Lord. And we will be so forever, 'always.'
Who are the people with whom we will be together? [Family, friends, Christians]
In
every liturgy we pray for those who have passed away. Often when someone has
recently died, they are commemorated by name every Sunday in the Litany after
the Gospel.
What
are some other times the Church commemorates the dead? [Panakhida, Parastasis,
Soul Saturdays, etc. Explain the full cycle of memorial services that are
followed in your parish or diocese.]
The Church teaches us that when we worship, we are to pray for those who
have already gone before us. Why do we pray for the dead? [It is a mystery.
We believe that they are in a place of repose, awaiting the second coming.
Orthodox Christians do not believe heaven and hell are “places” but states
of being in relationship to God. There are many ideas circulating about what
happens to us after we die. The truth is, we cannot know or describe it with
certainty. Again, it is a mystery we should accept as a mystery and not try
to force our hopes and fears upon it.
Take
out your completed family tree. The family is the primary network of people
that support us and that we will be called to attend to through prayers, memorials,
and funerals. List as many people as you can know including those who may
have passed away. Most people only know up to their Grandparents and maybe
their Great-Grandparents. Include all those who you consider family even if
they are not related, such as Godparents and close family friends. These people
make up part of your “spiritual family.”
Draw
a small cross near each person that has passed away. The Cross symbolizes
our death, which Christ took on himself through the Cross. The Cross also
points to our Resurrection in and with Christ.
When
you are ready, take out the blank prayer
lists. Give each person one and ask them to fill them out with the names they
have listed. Many prayer lists are double sided and have a space for the dead
and the living.
The
Lord asks us to pray for each other. We often learn prayer in our family life.
Fill out your prayer lists with the names of your family members. There is
space on one side for the living and one side for the dead. In the Resurrection
of Jesus Christ, the living and the dead and just two sides of one body: the
body of our Lord, the body that is the Church.
What
are some ways that prayer lists such as these
are used in the Church?" [Used in the Proskomedia, prayed
over by priests, sharing prosphora.]
What
are some ways that we can pray for the dead in church? [Give the prayer
list to the priest, ask for a memorial service or prayer to be said, light
a candle for them, and prayer in general.]
We
can also use these kinds of lists for our own prayer life. Part of the daily
cycle of prayers that the Church suggests to us is a remembrance of the living
and the dead. Ask your family members to join in you in commemorating the
dead, perhaps at the next get-together or reunion.
Either
as an end to this session or as part of a later service, conduct a brief remembrance
for the dead of the parish. This can be done with or without a priest, following
the rubrics for daily prayers. To get students to see that we pray together
as more than a family, have them all pray this together so that they are praying
for every person on every list, as well as the standard prays of commemoration
given in the prayer books. When the time comes to say the name of the departed,
go around in a circle and have each other say the names of the departed they
have listed. This in and of itself can be a powerful experience since they
may have never prayed for them out loud before. They also gain the benefit
of sharing that with everyone else.
Remember, O Lord, of all those who have fallen asleep in the hope or
resurrection unto life eternal; pardon all their transgressions both voluntary
and involuntary, whether in word, deed, or thought. Shelter them in a place
of brightness, a place of growth, a place of repose, from whence all sickness,
sorrow, and sighing have fled away, and where the sight of Thy countenance
brings joy to Thy Saints from all the ages.
emember
especially Thy servants, [Here each person should name
one or two of the departed.]
Grant
them Thy heavenly kingdom and a portion in Thy ineffable and eternal blessings,
and the enjoyment of Thine unending life.
Hear
our prayer, O lord, for Thou art merciful and compassionate, and love mankind,
and to Thee are due all glory, honor, and worship: to the Father and to the
Son, and to the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen
VI.
Activity #4: Agape
Time:
5-10 minutes.
Out
of sadness comes sweetness. Out of the Crucifixion, comes Resurrection. Therefore,
after every funeral we should give a special feast in remembrance of our departed
loved one in hope of eternal life.
Make
and share kollyva, the sweetened boiled wheat that is eaten after a memorial
service. Show how it is made and go through the steps, but have some ready
— like a cooking show! Discuss informally people's experiences with local
traditions and memorial services. One of the richest aspects of our Orthodox
faith is the variety of ways in which we connect ourselves to the Body of
Christ through those who have passed away. Talk about the relics in your church
as well. After discussions of grief and bringing up emotions, it is good to
"feast" and feed the soul and body with lighter fare.
VII.
Activity #5: Field trip (optional)
Tour
a cemetery, (an Orthodox one or one with many parishioners). If possible,
assist a priest with the blessing of graves.
VIII.
Session Conclusion
Review:
1.
What are some ways we pray for those who have died? [In daily prayers, at
funerals, in memorial service, during liturgies, and during special days in
the year.]
2.
What are the ways that people cope with grief? [Review the their list of stages
of grief.]
Teach
your students the hymns that our church uses in praying for the departed.
Sing them as a closing prayer.
IX. Closing Prayer
With
the Souls of the Righteous (Tropar Tone 4):
With the souls of the righteous departed,
give
rest to the souls of thy servants O Savior;
preserving
them in the blessed life that is with thee, Who lovest mankind.
In
the place of Thy rest, O Lord,
where
all of Thy Saints repose,
give
rest also to the souls of Thy servants;
for
Thou only lovest mankind.
Glory
to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit
Thou
art the God who descended into Hades,
and
loosed the bonds of the captives;
Thyself
give rest also to the souls of Thy servants.
Now
and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
O
Virgin alone pure and blameless,
who
didst bear God without seed,
intercede
that the souls of thy servants may be saved.
“With
the Saints give rest”
With
the Saints give rest O Christ, to the souls of thy servants,
where
sickness and sorrow are no more, neither sighing,
but
life everlasting.
Thou
only art immortal, who hast created and fashioned man.
For
out of the earth were we mortals made,
and
unto the same earth shall we return again,
as
Thou didst command when Thou madest me,
saying
unto me: ‘For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.’
Whither we mortals all shall go,
making
our funeral dirge the song:
Alleluia,
Alleluia, Alleluia.
“Many
Years”