Why
would parents, friends, and teachers be tempted to overlook the warning signs
of suicide? [Denial of feelings of fear, incompetence, powerlessness,
embarrassment, failure, pain and frustration; Disbelief in the seriousness
of teens suicide; Inability to listen to the needs of others; Belief that
such moods are just passing phases; Desire to not intrude on a person’s privacy;
etc.]
What
are some immediate steps that we should take when we see these warning signs
in our friends or family members? [Get help; Get the suicidal person help,
preferably professional; Do not hesitate to jump at a false alarm; talk to
that person; assure them of your love, the reality of their emotions, the
value of their life, and hope in their ability to get past what depresses
them; don’t leave them alone or give them the opportunity to carry out their
plan.]
What
are some steps we can take when we see these warning signs in ourselves and
contemplate suicide ourselves? [Talk to someone! Get help! If parents
are no help, seek help from someone who cares and that you can trust; call
a hotline; pray to God when the feelings arise. Sometimes approaching parents
can be counter-productive, especially when those parents lack parenting and
communication skills. A poor response might just reinforce the teen’s feelings
of hopelessness and despair.]
At
this point you should share with your group the number of local suicide prevention
centers and other resources that they can draw upon. Many suicidally depressed
people do not really know where to go for help or even how to ask for help.
By providing participants with a list of local resources, it can provide them
with life-saving information.
When
talking about suicide, we must realize that we are not alone. The majority
of us have contemplated or will contemplate suicide seriously in our lifetime.
It is better to talk about it with each other than let it build. God wants
us to give our sorrow to Him, and to call upon Him in times of distress. When
those around us fail to support us or treat us with the kindness we need,
it is God that we fall back on. God works in mysterious ways, often showing
His love through caring individuals whom we do not expect to find. There is
always help out there for us!
IV.
Activity #2: Masks and Icons
Time: 30 minutes
Purpose:
Trying to help people mired in suicidal despair is one of the most challenging
forms of ministry. There are many do’s and don’ts. This activity uses non-verbal
role-playing to simulate some of the challenges, without making it seem too
difficult. Bringing someone out of despair requires the work of more than
one caring friend, even though that one friend can make the difference.
Stay
in small groups, and provide arts and crafts materials for each group. In
this activity, participants will be making face masks. The cheapest base for
a mask is a paper plate or something similar. You can use construction paper,
tissue, paints, markers, an so on to decorate the masks. If you really want
to take the time and give a full mask workshop in addition to this activity.
For beginners, start simple! If
you don’t have the time or materials, you can opt to go without masks. Just
follow the guidelines of the talk and the game. After all, our human faces
are the most expressive “icons” we have!
Most
of us at one point or another think about suicide. Or we go through a time
of deep depression, perhaps for one of the reasons we discussed. In an earlier
session, we talked about the “deflated self.”
Looking
back in your journals, what are some the reasons we can become “deflated?”
[Feelings of loss, disappointment, failure, worthlessness, hopelessness.]
What
images of ourselves do we have when we are “deflated?” [I’m a loser, fat,
ugly, stupid, unloved, unlikeable, etc.]
How
do suicidal feelings and despair fit into the world of the “balloon people”?
[When we believe that our true selves are the “deflated” image, we have feel
that we have less to lose by killing ourselves.]
When
we are “deflated” and when we are suicidal, we are not really completely ourselves.
It is as if we had put a mask of despair over our souls to keep us from seeing
who we really are: living icons of God. To simulate this effect in our lives,
create a mask with two sides.
The
first side is the mask of despair: this is the icon of your “deflated self,”
so to speak. What is the face you put on when you are low. If you were feeling
suicidal, what kind of image would your soul see in a mirror? In making your
mask of despair, be as creative as you wish. Express the face of depression in whatever way is true for you.
The
flip side of the mask is the hidden, secret self that we have in our hearts.
In a previous session, we discussed the prayer of the heart. When we pray
from our heart, we connect to our body’s center and our spirit’s center. It
is in our hearts that we find the kingdom of heaven
— our source of eternal joy.
What
feelings are inspired when you connect to your heart?
What
excites joy inside your heart?
What
are the images that you can express on your mask that, like an icon, lead
to sources of healing from sorrow?
As
you create your masks, think about how these faces relate to your life. When
do you “wear” these faces? Do you show them to anyone or are they kept inside?
What “face” does our soul have that reflects the likeness of God?
Make
double-sided masks: one side depicts the emotions of despair and the images
we individually associate with it. The reverse depicts the inner life of joy
within each of us through images that inspire joy, hope, trust, and love.
Take as long as you need to make masks. Some people will be more artistically
inclined than others. If they have problem capturing details, try to have
them capture mood through colors and shapes. Masks will be limited by what
materials you have as well, so be prepared.
Now
that we have our masks, we are ready to use them. In small groups, take turns
exploring what it means to wear these masks. When wearing the mask of despair,
one of you becomes the “desperate one” — that person who has fallen into a
deep depression and needs help to get out of it before it grows worse. Meanwhile,
the rest of your group become the “joyful” ones that God has sent to help
cheer you up. When the “desperate ones” feel joy stirring in the heart and
feel the despair lift, they should turn their masks around and give someone
else a chance.
In
each group, set aside a one person to wear the despair mask (“the desperate
one”) and have the rest of the group wear their joy masks (“the joyful ones”).
The “desperate one” must act as if they are the one who is deeply depressed,
exploring their own feelings by doing so.
The
“joyful ones” have the job of trying to persuade that person to turn their
mask around to the joyful side. They must also be in character and express
the things that uplift and transform despair into joy. You may have to set
some ground rules as to what is allowable. For example, “joyful” are not allowed
to touch a person in any inappropriate way such as shoving, wrestling, or
tickling, or pulling their masks off, even though these might all legitimately
change a person’s mood from despair (to annoyance or anger!) Hugging or a
pat on the shoulder are generally okay — but not when a whole gang of people
are swamping your space!
As
soon as a person switches from despair to joy, another person takes a turn
at being the “desperate one.” Play until each persona has had a turn as “desperate
one.” If any one person should get stuck in the role or refuse switch their
mask, you can play the role of “divine intervention” to keep things moving.
Don’t be afraid to let the activity degenerate into a “make me laugh” game
— this activity is about finding joy in life in the face of hopelessness.
To
make the exercise even more challenging, “joyful” are not allowed to speak
(may not use words), but “desperate ones” may speak. Very often we try to
talk people out of depression. But words are primarily intellectual and do
not always get to the heart. Falling back on simple sounds, gestures, and
body language speaks to the heart in a more fundamental way. This also teaches
us that how we talk to depressed people is just as important as, if not more
than what we say. When each group is finished, have them answer the following
questions.
When
you are finished, discuss the following questions with your group members:
What
did it feel like to be the “desperate one”?
What
was it that changed your despair into joy?
When
playing the part of a “joyful one”, what did you draw upon to find joy in
yourself and in the “desperate ones?”
What challenges
did you face working together as a team?
What
did you learn about helping someone who is suicidal, or at least, very depressed?
In
your journals, write down as many ways you can help bring joy into another
person’s life. Brainstorm with your group for more ideas. Keep these for
the end of the session.
V.
Activity #3: Managing Despair
Time: 15-20
minutes
Purpose:
The greatest treatment for suicidal depression and the sadness that comes when
we lose a friend to suicide is a healthy dose of life. This activity is an attempt
to provide practical, uplifting ways for teens to understand and manage depression
before it turns self-destructive.
The
ascetic fathers of our Church (Monks of the Desert such as St. Anthony, St.
John of the Ladder, etc.) recognized a strange truth in their struggles with
the temptation and sin. They realized that despair can become a passion, much
like gluttony, lust, and pride. While feelings of sadness and depression comes
to us throughout life and can actually help lead us to God, there are also
times when these feelings become sources of sin. These are the times when
sadness becomes despair.
How
do you think depression can become sinful? [It becomes a habit; We lose
faith in God’s mercy and goodness; We give up on ourselves and our salvation;
We begin to turn against ourselves and our God. Judas and Saul and examples
of suicides who in their despair had turned against God. Despair often follows
other passions and sins when we do not repent of them.]
A
suicidal person often suffers from despair. But telling a person that their
feelings are sinful when they are already feeling worthless is not a very
good way to help them. If we think of sin as spiritual illness, though, we
begin to see how we can approach a suicidal person. Despair is a spiritual
illness which needs spiritual medicine.
One
of the things we can and should do when we are in despair to break the downward
spiral is pray. The Church shows us how to pray by giving us spiritual words.
Divide
into three groups. Look at the psalms from the Matins service, beginning with
the psalms of repentance. Answer the first set of questions, first in groups
and then as a whole, and then move on to the second set or psalms and questions.
For a larger group, divide into six groups (one psalm per group) and assign
questions accordingly, or draw from the second set of psalms listed in the
“Useful Texts” section of this session. You should be familiar with these
psalms before hand.
| |
Psalm
38, 88, 143: Matins Psalms of Repentance |
| |
Psalm
3, 63, 103: Matins Psalms of Praise |
How
can we relate these psalms of repentance to the despair of suicidal depression?
[These psalms describe the feelings we have when seriously depressed. They
represent deep cries for relief from sorrow and provide us with God-inspired
words with which to express and release our feelings.]
Who
or what is the enemy spoken of in these psalms? [The enemy can be understood
as the demons of despair, especially the thoughts of hopelessness and images
of death that tempt us to take our lives. We are under attack by depression
which is an illness of the soul.]
What
do you think “Your wrath” — God’s wrath—
means in Ps. 38 and 88? How do experience God’s “wrath” when in suicidal
depression? [God’s wrath is His love, which we experience as painful when
we harden our hearts in despair. The pain of depression comes from fighting
back the tears and holding in our emotions. The sin of despair comes from
our willing rejection of God’s ever-present love which then burns instead
of healing. God is not hateful of us — such an idea is a lie of the enemy
that can lead us to further despair.]
Some
of these psalms do not demonstrate any “resolution” or “answer” to the sorrow
of the Psalmist? Why do you think that is? [This refers to Psalm 38 and
88, among others. Our cry to God is the first solution. When we give to God
what afflicts us and call upon Him for help, we are released from our ailment
and open up to God’s forgiveness. This is the key to confession.]
These
psalms of repentance may seem familiar to you. They are three of the “Six
Psalms” that begin a Matins service. The other three that they are paired
with are not as oriented towards repentance but towards praise. Instead of
suffering, they focus on joy and victory over sorrows. These are Psalms 3,
63, and 103.
How
can we relate these psalms to suicidal depression? [They reflect the hope
and joy that we need in our lives to fight despair. They give images of victory
over affliction.]
How
do they differ from the psalms of repentance? [They do not end on a cry
for help but on a praising of God. The imagery brings us through the darkness
into the light.]
Why
are these also examples of prayers we should say when faced with despair?
[They remind us that we are not alone and that God helps us and saves
us. They return us to joy in the Lord.
Ironically,
praise and repentance and two of the greatest medicines we have for dealing
with despair. By redirecting our attention to God, we avoid falling into the
traps of the “balloon people” of session 1: becoming deflated or inflated.
In repentance we let go and release the sorrows that afflict us inside. In
praise we restore our confidence in our life, not through pride but through
God, the true source of life. Our personal prayer is the front line in our
battle against the spiritual illness of suicidal despair.
What
sacraments of the Church are oriented towards repentance and the healing of
spiritual sickness? [All of them! In particular, Unction and Confession.]
Earlier
we spoke of the importance of sharing our feelings when we are depressed.
How can confession be a means of healing depression? [We have someone
to talk to who will listen to us and give us guidance and support. We are
assured through confession of God’s love. Despair builds when we do not confess
our sins and no longer believe in or seek God’s forgiving love.]
Why
is it important to go to confession when suicidal thoughts arise? [Such
thoughts are often tied to unconfessed sins that lead us to feeling worthless
or unlovable. We should also go to our spiritual father to find out what we
can do about these feelings. We also need a spiritual father’s discernment
to learn what is the cause of our suffering in order to effectively fight
it.]
Besides
the Book of Psalms and the sacrament of Confession, there are many additional
ways in which we can manage depression and keep it from becoming despair.
Feeling sad is not a sin. In fact, the spiritual fathers of the Church teach
that tears are a second baptism, when they come from the heart and lead us
back to God. They call us to even pray for tears — that we can open our hearts
and not hold back anything from God.
VI. Session Conclusion
Review:
What
are some important warning signs of suicide?
What should you do if someone you know shows warning signs of suicide?
In
groups, brainstorm as many ideas as you can for healthy ways to manage depression.
By healthy, we mean those that do not promote self-destruction such as suicide,
drugs/alcohol (other than drugs prescribed by a medical doctor), etc. Begin
with the lists they generated in the mask exercise for bringing joy into a
darkened life. Finish by making a top ten list of techniques for managing
depression. Prepare the list as a review for the next session.
Bring
to the next session a small object or item to give as a gift. This object
can symbolize something that you have gotten out of this study unit, something
that renews your joy in life, or something
that inspired you during our time together, that you can pass on to
one of your brothers or sisters in Christ. Gifts are to be small and symbolic,
not great expenditures. It is even better if they can make it themselves.
Be prepared to bring extra gifts in case someone forgets.
VII.
Closing Prayer : You may wish to include Psalm 23 or a similar psalm of
hope.
