Session 2: “In the Beginning . . .” Healing Our Misconceptions
Aim:
To present sexuality as a God-given part of who we are as human beings.
Guidance
for Leaders: In
this session, you will be talking about sex and sexuality issues in a little
more detail. Again, there needs to be an atmosphere of trust and security
suitable enough for open and honest discussion.
Remember,
don’t try to discuss every misconception and issue related to sexuality in
one session. Stay focused on the central objectives and aim of this session.
If a question arises that you feel unable to answer right then, make it clear
that you will address it at a later time, and then do so. If the topic comes
up in a future session of this unit, you can tell them to ask the question
again at the appropriate time.
Objectives:
By the end of this session participants should be able to. . .
Useful
Texts (Scriptural, Canonical, Liturgical, Lives of Saints, etc.)
|
Genesis
1:26-2:25
|
|
1
Cor. 6
|
|
Galatians
3:28
|
|
Matthew
19:4-6
|
Materials:
Procedure
I.
Opening Prayer
II.
Check-In and Review
III.
Activity #1: Misconceptions
IV.
Activity #2: Dear Abba
V.
Activity #3: Misconceptions
VI.
Conclusion
VII.
Closing Prayer
I. Opening Prayer
II. Check-In: Introduce yourself again and say "Today we are talking
about what it means to be a sexual being, to be male or
female, and what the Church teaches about our sexuality. As we check-in,
give your name, say how you are, and state one thing about the opposite sex
that ‘mystifies’ you." Give something from your own experience or
perspective as well.
Review:
Before
continuing ask the following questions:
-
What
is the difference between sex and sexuality?
["Sex"
is an act (also the biological difference of male and female of a species).
"Sexuality" is about what it means to be a human being with
a body and a sex.]
-
What
is the relationship between the body and spirituality? [The
human body is the "Temple of the Holy Spirit". The Lord is made
for the body and the body for the Lord.]
III.
Activity
#1: Misconceptions
Time:
15-20 minutes
Purpose:
This activity
is a talk-starter. Like the last session, it is designed to identify participants’
unquestioned set of ideas and opinions that they bring with them, often unconsciously,
to the discussion of sexuality. This discussion in particular attempts to
draw the focus from our general assumptions about sex to our assumptions about
what the Church teaches and what it means to have a "Christian"
understanding of sexuality.
Begin
by drawing two large square, straightedge boxes on the board. In the center
of the first write “MEN” and in the center of the other, write “WOMEN.”
“The
Bible says ‘Male and female He Created them’ (Gen. 1:27). Our sexuality began
with our creation. Since the Fall, however, we have become confused about
what it means to be male and female. On one level there are clear biological
differences such as reproductive organs, hormones, etc.. On the level of social
interaction, though, there is a variety of ways of distinguishing males from
females, men from women, and vice versa.”
-
“What
are some of the words or ideas that our society associates with ‘MEN’?”
[Macho, warriors, aggressive, intellectual, protective, strong -- These
are gender stereotypes and are subject to cultural changes. Some may be
positive and some may be negative. Write their answers inside the box. If
someone suggests a term which is not a normal gender stereotype in our society
today, throw it back to the group and ask them if they would consider this
as part of society’s conceptions or not. If not, place the term outside
the box or on the border.]
“What
are some of the words or ideas that our society associates with ‘WOMEN’?”
[Emotional, passive,
vain, sensitive, nurturing, intuitive — These are also gender stereotypes.
Write the answers you are given in the “WOMEN” box, with exceptions on the
outside or the border. Try to get a couple exceptions for each box.]
“These
are stereotypes. Some may have a basis in fact, others may be purely fiction.
Some may be genetic and natural, while others are created and nurtured by
our culture. One thing is for sure, not all men and women fit this mold. Most
men and women have some characteristics that fall outside the box or on the
border. We need to be very careful not to try and put people into stereotypical
boxes.” Erase
portions of the boxes’ solid lines, replacing them with dashed lines.
-
“How
would Christ compare to these models of gender? He was a man, so how does
he fit exactly into the male stereotypes?” [He also has so-called “feminine” qualities of nurturing, meekness,
etc.]
“We
often base our decisions on unquestioned assumptions of what it means to be
a man or a woman, trying to adhere to a social stereotype in order to fit
in and be accepted. When we consider that as Christians we are called to be
like Christ, this presents some challenges to our
stereotypes. St. Paul says in Galatians 3:28, ‘There is neither male
nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.’”
-
“Compare
Galatians 3:28 with Genesis 1:27. Why does St. Paul tells us that in Christ
we are one, if God created us male and female?” If participants have difficulty, have them read Genesis
2:18-24 [We are not meant to be alone. Our differences allow us to
compliment and balance each other. They were created to bring us together
not separate us. St. Paul was trying to get the Christians to see that we
must not separate ourselves on racial, class, or gender lines.]
-
“How
should we understand our identity as men and women?”
Our gender is part of the path God gives us to "In
this session we will be discussing myths and misconceptions about sex and
sexuality specifically. Let's take a minute to brainstorm as many ideas
that we can come up with that we think are myths or misconceptions. By myths
or misconceptions we mean ideas which people act as if they are true, when
they really aren’t."
Take a few minutes
to get everyone brainstorming in their journals or on paper. With larger groups,
you may want them to brainstorm in groups of 5-7. Brainstorming usually works
in cycles, expect a creative lull after the initial outburst of ideas-- a
second wave will come soon, and so on.
Next
ask the questions below, going around the room, letting each person/group
have a chance to contribute their ideas. With some answers you may want to
ask for an example or a small explanation. The questions are framed in terms
of things they have heard, seen, and felt, in order to emphasize the many
ways in which information reaches us through the senses. If time permits,
record their ideas on the board to affirm their contribution.
There
is also the possibility that not everything a group mentions is untrue. You
may wish to add clarifications where appropriate. Myths often contain a strong
kernel of truth.
-
"What
are some ideas about sex we might have heard that might not be quite accurate?"
[Everyone does
it, It can't hurt you, You will do it if you love me, You can't get diseases
if you wear a condom, If you have ever thought about being gay you must
be gay, Sex is a sin, etc.]
"What
are some ideas about sex and sexuality that you feel aren't true but people
often believe anyway?" [Sex is dirty and sinful, Rape is committed mostly by strangers,
Children have no sexual experiences, Sex is okay between two consenting adults whether or not they
are married, and similar ideas]
"What
are some of the messages that we might have seen or heard that supposedly
depict a ‘Christian's’ attitude towards sex?"
[You have to hate sex to be Christian, You go to hell if you have sex, Christians
are uptight and repress their sexuality, Christian women should be pregnant
and in the kitchen. Christian men should be able to boss women around. You
should only have sex to have children, etc.]
"Are
there any icons or hymns in the Church that depict sexuality?"
This one’s a little harder, but it can serve as an intro to
activity #2. The Church is filled with depictions of human sexuality that
is transfigured by the light of Christ. Remember sexuality is about being
a male or female human being and not about "having sex." [Icon of
Ss. Joachim and Anna,
If
this proves too difficult, quickly move on.
"We
all come to our own understanding of sexuality by wading through a river of
false ideas and images which we pick up on a daily basis. Sadly, we often
pass these on to others before learning our mistakes. Perhaps some of you
have heard some things today that you thought were true but maybe are not.
We still have a lot of questions and we still need a lot of answers. People
talk about sexuality perhaps more often than anything else, and yet, we are
often our own worst teachers. There are good people to turn to, however. ‘The
Truth is out there.’"
As
a follow up exercise, you may wish participants to record in their journals
for the next session (one week, one day, whatever), where they see or hear
myths and misconceptions being expressed.
IV. Activity #2: "Dear Abba"
Time:
20-30 minutes
Purpose:
This activity
allows participants an insight to the Church's pastoral approach to questions
of sexuality. Attached are two fictional letters between a young Orthodox
Christian woman and her priest. Participants will gather in small groups and
discuss the letters and answer a series of questions based on them. You should
copy the letters and distribute them either by group or by individual. You
may have each group read it on their own or have everyone follow and listen
to one person such as yourself. After they have completed the list of questions,
come back together as a large group, with the small group members still sitting
together, and discuss each question and their answers.
Begin
by asking students to form smaller groups (5-7 at most per group).
Introduce the exercise:
"In
today's world there are many places where we can go to find answers to our
questions about sex and our sexuality. Unfortunately, our sources are not
always well educated or not very interested in our spiritual well-being. There
is a place, however, where we can find answers, and that is in the Church."
"We
need not be ashamed or afraid to ask our Church for answers. In fact, it is
really one of the first places
we should go. Because of the many misconceptions out there, however, it is
easy to think that the Orthodox Church has nothing practical to say about
sex and sexuality. Here are two fictional letters. One is a letter from a
woman who has many questions about sexuality and its place in the Church.
The second is the response she got from her priest."
Pass
out the letters and read them together. Have the groups discuss the following
questions.
Note:
The priest’s letter should not be viewed as the perfect response to the woman’s
questions. It is, rather, one possible response that can be used to ignite
further discussion. Both participants and presenters should feel free to offer
improvements. Participants will have another opportunity to review these letters
at the end of the unit.
-
What
are the main concerns of the young woman? [Sex before marriage, Sexual feelings, Sin, Shame,
the Role of Women, etc.]
What
is the priest's response to each of her concerns?
What
do you think was the most important statement the priest made about marriage?
How
would you describe the priest's approach to the young woman?
V.
Activity #3: Letters to the Priest, or "Everything you wanted
to know about sex but were afraid to ask a priest"
Time:
20 minutes
Purpose:
This activity provides participants a chance to ask some questions of their
own in a relatively light and creative format. This is a variation on a “fish-bowl”
exercise in which individuals write a question they have about sex on a card
and put it in a fish bowl, after which the teacher can pick questions and
answer them without embarrassing anyone. In this case, they both create the
question and help to answer it. You may want to continue this activity as
a general “fish bowl” if time permits.
In
small groups have them come up with their own fictional "letter"
to a priest. They will be provided with the sketch of a character like Anastasia
above, who has certain ideas about sexuality and the Church. Each group will
then ask a question for its character based on the type of concerns and misconceptions
he or she has. Each group will attempt to answer the question of at least
one other group based their understanding
of the teachings of the Church. Encourage them to use the above priest’s letter
as a model.
"We have seen how the Church might respond to one person's questions--
but there are still many more questions that we could ask. Each of us has
a unique perspective on this issue . As Christians, many of us will find ourselves
in situations where either we, or someone we know, is too afraid or embarrassed
to ask a priest, bishop, or other church member about something regarding
sex. There is still something we can do to help."
Pass
out the character sheets or cards
to the groups. You can select from our list or come up with your own--
or have them come up with their own character if they want. We strongly
recommend that you change the names of characters if there are people in your
group with those names.
"On each sheet/card is the name of a person who would
like to ask a question of someone like the priest who wrote the letter we
just looked at. Next to each name is one word to describe a little bit about
their personality and a quote that shows a little bit about their concerns.
"It's
each group’s task to come up with a question that one of these individuals
could ask their priest to help them better understand the Church's teachings
on sex and sexuality. Based on what they have said, what kind of misconceptions
do you think they might have about the Church's teachings? What kind of problems
do you think they would like to ask if they had the chance? Design a question
or statement of what concerns them in about one or two sentences and write
it on the sheet/card."
In each group give them an opportunity to discuss what kind of misconceptions
this person might have before they develop a suitable question for their priest.
Be ready to help out if necessary. When they are all ready, have each group
state their character and the question or statement of concern they came up
with.
"How
do you suppose we should answer these questions? Trade your card (or sheet)
with another group and answer their question for them as if you were their
priest. Based on what you know about the Church and the things we discussed
before, try to come up with an answer to the best of your ability."
Give
them several minutes to discuss the problem and try to come up with a suitable
answer. Again, be ready to help out and give some guidance. When complete,
have each group give their answers.
Conclude
the activity by drawing attention to how most of us can relate to more than
one of the characters, depending on the situation in which we find ourselves.
VI. Session Conclusion
Review:
“One
of the biggest problems we face as Orthodox Christians today is unraveling
the messages we receive about sexuality and the Church. Our Church does not
want us to deny or debase our sexuality, but keep it in the proper perspective.
Our sexuality can be sacred and it can be sinful, depending on what we do
with it. We need to ask God for guidance in making the best decisions — decisions
which will make us better people who live in Christ and in whom Christ lives.”
VII.
Closing Prayer