Session 6: “Like Olive Shoots Around Your Table”: The Blessing of Children
Aim: To present teens with the Church’s teaching on marital intercourse and the propagation of children, including methods of contraception, as practical and healthy.
Objectives: By the end of this session participants should be able to . . .
- Explain why the Church teaches that sex belongs within the context of marriage.
- Compare the Church’s and society’s approach to contraception.
- Identify characteristics of good parenting.
- Articulate the value of procreation in biblical and liturgical terms.
Useful Texts (Scriptural, Canonical, Liturgical, Lives of Saints, etc.)
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Synodal Affirmations on Marriage and Sexuality and The Procreation of Children:(see excerpt as end of this session)
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Holy Matrimony service book
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Life of the Virgin Mary
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Lives of the Saints (September 9)
Materials:
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Procedure:
I. Opening Prayer
II. Check-In and Review
III. Activity #1: The Honorable Couple
IV. Activity #2: Synodal Affirmations
V. Activity #3: Suffer the Little Children
VI. Conclusion
VII. Closing Prayer
I. Opening Prayer
II. Check-In: "Based upon how you are feeling and what you have to do today, how would you describe the person you will be tomorrow?"
Review:
- What are three requirements for an Orthodox wedding?
- What role does God play in a marriage
III. Activity #1: The Honorable Couple
Time: 15 minutesPurpose: This is a study of the Icon of Saints Joachim and Anna, the Ancestors of the Lord. This Icon is the only representation of a married couple united in affectionate embrace. Saints. Joachim and Anna are the role models for married people, not only in their love for each other but because of their piety and faith. Through their example we are shown the proper context for sex and its proper role in a marriage.
Begin by presenting the Icon of Joachim and Anna. Ask if anyone knows who these saints are.
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“Why do you think these two saints are so full of joy?” [They have been told that they will conceive a child.]
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“Why do you think they are embracing in this Icon? Where are they?” [They are in their own home and have come together to procreate and conceive the Virgin Mary after receiving the news that their prayers have been answered.]
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“Saints. Joachim and Anna are expressing the joy of God’s blessing to them in their bedroom. The Icon is showing us the special place of sex in the married life. It may be surprising, but did you know that the Church celebrates as a holy day the day that these saints made love? Why do you think that is so?” [Through their love and God’s blessing upon it, the Virgin Mary was conceived and born.]
“Though the fact that they had sex is not the most important meaning of this Icon, it does show that sex should not be looked at as “dirty” or “bad.” It is a God-given way for a married couple to physically express their love for each other. It was by this act that the Mother of God, herself, was born into this world.”
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If sex is not necessarily “bad” or “dirty,” what would make it sinful? [Using it for only self-pleasure and not to show your love to someone who God has given you for all eternity.]
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Based upon this, could sex between married people ever be sinful? If so, how? [Yes, if it is only for self-pleasure. This could include things to which both partners “consent,” but are not about drawing the two closer together spiritually as well as physically.]
“Joachim and Anna, though known as the Ancestors of God, are not the only married couple in the history of our salvation, nor are they only ancestors. They came from a long line of couples whom God blessed with marriage and childbirth. Their stories are told in the Old Testament. They are remembered in the marriage service when the priest says the first prayer of crowning (Pass out the “Marriage Prayers” sheet):
O God most pure, fashioner of every creature, who didst transform the rib of our forefather Adam into a wife, because of Thy love towards mankind, and didst bless them and say to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; Who didst make of the two one flesh: Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, and what God joined together, let no man put asunder:Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations.
Thou didst give Isaac to Rebecca and didst bless her in childbearing.
Thou didst join Jacob unto Rachel, and from them didst bring forth the twelve patriarchs.Thou didst unite Joseph and Aseneth, giving to them Ephraim and Manasseh as the fruit of their procreation.Thou didst accept Zechariah and Elizabeth, and didst make their offspring the Forerunner.
From the root of Jesse according to the flesh, Thou didst bud forth the ever-virgin one, and was incarnate of her, and wast born of her for the redemption of the human race.From the root of Jesse according to the flesh, Thou didst bud forth the ever-virgin one, and was incarnate of her, and wast born of her for the redemption of the human race.
Thou didst come to Cana in Galilee and dist bless marriage there, to make manifest that it is Thy will that there should be lawful marriage and procreation.Do Thou, the same all-holy master, accept the prayers of Thy servants.”
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“Why do you think childbirth is so important in the Bible?” [God reveals his mercy through the blessings of children; He himself was born into the world; We are not meant to be alone but to multiply; etc.]
“First, The whole history of our salvation is connected to the process of marriage and childbirth. Very often it seems odd that the Bible should be concerned with who begat who and who they begat and so on. But the reason for these family trees is to show how God has continuously has acted in our very human lives and fulfilled His promises.”
“Second, we tend to approach marriage as just about two people’s love for each other, and we don’t look ahead of us or around us. God brings us together not only for love, but for bringing forth new life and sharing our own. The second prayer of crowning describes the glory of children in beautiful, poetic terms:
“Give them offspring in number like unto full ears of grain; so that, having enough of all things, they may abound in every work that is good and acceptable unto thee. Let them see their children’s children, like olive shoots around their table; so that, finding favor in Thy sight, they may shine like stars of heaven, in Thee our God.”
Here is a take-home journal assignment. Ask them to share these with you at a later session.
“In your journals, come up with your own images or metaphors for the blessing of children. What would you say to pray for someone who was getting married and wanted children? Check and see how they compare to the images used in the Bible and in the Matrimony service.”
IV. Activity #2: Synodal Affirmations
Time: 15 minutes
Purpose: This is an activity designed to make participants aware of just what exactly the Church teaches about marriage, sex, and childbirth. It is important that they know these and understand that they are not just a set of rules meant to constrict them, but an expression of genuine care for the well-being of the Church. Thus, this activity asks them at first to question the motives and the reasons for the Synod’s statements, and then guides them to see the pastoral wisdom behind the statements. This activity plays on the double meaning of “Question Authority”-- that we should not only question authority if we are doubtful (which we all sometimes are) but also because an “authority” knows a lot about a certain subject. Participants should be guided to feeling that they can trust the Church and feel comfortable exploring its ideas. After all, these affirmations really do express and loving approach to the subject of sexuality, which can be very reassuring.
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“Have you ever seen a bumper sticker that says, ‘Question Authority’? What do you think it means to ‘question authority’?” [Doubting those in charge/ parents; Challenge what they say; Rebellion! Anarchy!; Dressing outlandishly and listening to alternative music; think for yourself; to find out why things are a certain way; etc.]
If you think about it, questioning authority can be a really good idea. After all, if you have a question about something, who would you want to ask? An ‘authority,’ right? Questioning authority can be both positive and negative. When we approach with an open heart and are willing to learn something, even if it might challenge our opinions or lifestyle, we can really benefit from authority. The Church is one such ‘authority’ with almost 2000 years of experience that we can and should go to.”
Pass out the Synodal Affirmations Sheet. Explain, “Here are some of the guidelines and affirmations that our Church has come to concerning marriage, sex, and childbirth. Let’s see what ‘Authority has to say.’” Read through it together with them. Then have them split into three groups (or more if necessary) to discuss in detail the three affirmations at the bottom of the page. Assign each group one of the affirmations and have them answer and discuss the following questions Have them look up the Scripture references as well.
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“Why do you think the Church has provided us with these affirmations (what problems are they responding to)?” [Abortion, pre-marital sex, teen pregnancy, in vitro fertilization, etc.]
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“Look up the Scripture references in the text that relate to your group’s affirmation. What do you find in the Bible that confirms the Church’s decisions?” Suggest the following readings: Affirmation 1: Psalm 127:3-5, Genesis 2:24; Affirmation 2: 1 Corinthians 7:2-6, Luke 1:39-45; Affirmation 3: Psalm 139:13-18, Luke 1:39-45, Mark 10:6-9.
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“How does the Church’s affirmations differ from ‘society’s,’ especially with regards to contraception?” [Birth control must not cause an abortion; medical aids to fertility must not compromise the unity of the couple, i.e., cannot bring in a third person.]
“The Church teaches us that sex belongs in marriage, and that once in marriage, it fulfills its purpose in childbirth. This does not mean that married people should have sex only to have children. The God-given natural sensations and pleasures of sex are meant to be directed into the special love of marriage. The Church provides us with the best possible sexual lifestyle.
Let’s take another look at one of these passages on married life from the Bible. St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2-6 speaks with great authority (Have a student read aloud):
“Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.”
“There are many messages in this passage that still need to be learned today. In your groups, answer these questions:”
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“In your own words, what are three guidelines for a healthy sexual relationship?” [Mutual consent, affection, moderation and sobriety, equality, put prayer first, responsibility to each other, sacrifice or humbling of one’s own sexual needs to their partner’s will.] If you have time for more Bible study, ask, “What are some other lessons from Scripture that reflect this teaching?” [The two shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24, Matthew 19:3-9, 1 Corinthians 6:16, Ephesians 5:21-33]
“Sex is God’s gift (Be fruitful and multiply) to be experienced in the sacred union of Holy Matrimony. Because it is rooted in the Sacrament of Love, sex is meant to be caring, affectionate, respectful, consensual, unselfish, giving, and joyful.”
V. Activity #3: “Suffer the Little Children to come to Me”
Time: 10-15 minutes.Purpose: This is a guided exercise of the imagination designed to get participants to explore their opinions about the meaning of parenthood. To grasp the responsibility of parenting and taking care of the child on a physical level is one thing. To recognize what it takes to nourish a child physically and spiritually is another. By looking at their own experience as children, they will begin to understand what it means to be a good parent. This exercise is also about taking responsibility for themselves as they become adults. Lastly, this activity explores what it means to “receive the kingdom of God as a little child” (Mark 10:15).
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“Raising a child is an immense responsibility for two people. Where can or do people learn today what it means to be a father or mother?” [TV, themselves, God, the Bible, their own parents, grandparents, and family.]
- “Before we try to raise a child we should have some ability as ‘parents.’ In what ways can we gain experience as parents without having children ourselves?” [Taking care of other people’s children, becoming God-parents, and most importantly, learning to take care of ourselves.]
One of the best ways we can learn to be good parents is to begin with ourselves. Many people in the world today grow up on their own, without strong parental guidance. The Church can help us if we reach out to it, and ask for spiritual fatherhood. God Himself is our Heavenly Father, and we should look to Him as the model for all parenting.”
“We can begin by asking ourselves a few questions. We have to remember what it was like to be children ourselves. Imagine that you were able to travel back in time and talk to yourself when you were just a child. (Pause.) Imagine that you could talk to yourself they way you would have liked someone to talk to you. (Pause.) Imagine that you are the parent and you have to take care of the person you were when you were a child.’”
When participants have focused their attention, proceed with the following questions. These questions are phrased in the first person to help spark the imagination more directly. You may ask them to close their eyes as they imagine also. Make sure the room is quiet and they won’t be disturbed, so that they can experience the feeling of vulnerability that little children do. After each question, pause long enough for them to contemplate a brief answer. You may ask them to write in their journals after each question or wait until the end and have them write down their impressions of the exercise.
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What did I look like, when I was a child? How am I dressed?(Pause)
- How was I feeling when I was a child? (Was I happy, sad, hurt, afraid — what comes to mind first?) (Pause)
- What did I need when I was a child? (Pause)
- What did I need from the adults around me when I was a child? (Pause)
- What made me feel afraid when I was a child? (Helpless? Insecure?) (Pause after each)
- What did I need to feel loved, when I was a child? (Pause)
- What did I get from the grown-ups that was good for me, when I was a child? (Pause)
- What made me strong, when I was a child? (Healthy? Secure?) (Pause after each)
- What made me feel safe and loved, when I was a child?(Pause)
- Looking at yourself now, what is that you need to do or have to meet the needs that you had, when you were a child? Who do you need to become to be a good parent.”
Record in your journal what being a child teaches you.”
Take some time to have participants form into groups and share with each other the insights they gained. They should have learned not only what a child needs from its parents but specifically how they themselves were shaped and raised. Very often, we raise our children in the same way as we were raised. Both positive and negative parenting is passed on this way, and it is important for those who plan on raising healthy kids to identify those patterns. Be prepared to help direct participants to sources of further guidance if painful memories come up for them (neglect, loss, abuse, fear). Have the phone number of a qualified counselor on hand and contact your director and/or parish priest if necessary (See “Doing the Right Thing” developed by the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministries of the Orthodox Church in America).
“Very often when we want to know what is right all we need to do is listen to our heart as if we are children. Much of Christ’s teaching is best understood when we receive it with the heart of a child: Love one another and love God. ‘Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3).’
“As a journal exercise, ask your parents at home about what it was like when they were children. What did they need? What did they feel they didn’t get? What made them feel loved? How are they like their parents? If you can, ask your grandparents the same questions.”
VI. Session Conclusion:
Review:
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What are three requirements for a healthy sexual relationship? [Love, respect, marriage]
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What is the Church’s teaching on birth control? [Permissible, by agreement between husband and wife, must not hurt fetus, etc.]
“Saints Joachim and Anna are the model for the married couple. While we uphold the possibility of married people to use birth control, we must remember how special a gift our ability to procreate is. The Ancestors of God, Joachim and Anna, prayed humbly to God for a child so that they could make their marriage an honorable offering to God. They were granted not only the gift of a child but the gift of having born the Virgin Mary and Mother of God. We are called to approach our sexual life in the same way — with humility, prayer, and hope.”
VII. Closing Prayer
Marriage Prayers
From the First Prayer of Crowning:
O God most pure, fashioner of every creature, who didst transform the rib of our forefather Adam into a wife, because of Thy love towards mankind, and didst bless them and say to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; Who didst make of the two one flesh: Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, and what God joined together, let no man put asunder:Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations.
Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations.Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations.
Thou didst give Isaac to Rebecca and didst bless her in childbearing.
Thou didst join Jacob unto Rachel, and from them didst bring forth the twelve patriarchs.
Thou didst unite Joseph and Aseneth, giving to them Ephraim and Manasseh as the fruit of their procreation.
Thou didst accept Zechariah and Elizabeth, and didst make their offspring the Forerunner.
From the root of Jesse according to the flesh, Thou didst bud forth the ever-virgin one, and was incarnate of her, and wast born of her for the redemption of the human race.Thou didst come to Cana in Galilee and dist bless marriage there, to make manifest that it is Thy will that there should be lawful marriage and procreation.
Do Thou, the same all-holy master, accept the prayers of Thy servants.”Give them offspring in number like unto full ears of grain; so that, having enough of all things, they may abound in every work that is good and acceptable unto thee. Let them see their children’s children, like olive shoots around their table; so that, finding favor in Thy sight, they may shine like stars of heaven, in Thee our God.
From Synodal Affirmations on Marriage and Sexuality and The Procreation of Children:
The procreation of children in marriage is the "heritage" and "reward" of the Lord; a blessing of God (cf. Psalm 127:3). It is the natural result of the act of sexual intercourse in marriage, which is a sacred union through which God Himself joins the two together into "one flesh" (Genesis 1:2, Matthew 19, Mark 10, Ephesians 5, et. al.).The procreation of children is not in itself the sole purpose of marriage, but a marriage without the desire for children, and the prayer to God to bear and nurture them, is contrary to the "sacrament of love" (Orthodox Marriage Service; St. John Chrysostom, On Ephesians, Homily 20).Married couples are encouraged to abstain from sexual union at times for the sake of devotion to prayer (as, for example, on the eves of the Eucharist, and during Lenten seasons). They are to do so, however, only "for a season by agreement" since their bodies are not their own but belong to each other; and they are to "come together again lest Satan tempt" them (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2-7).
God himself "knits together" the child conceived in the mother’s womb, beholding its "unformed substance" as it is being intricately wrought before his all-knowing eyes (Psalm 139:13‑18). The Lord Jesus himself was first acknowledged on earth by John the Baptist when both the Lord and His Forerunner were still embryos within their mothers’ wombs (Luke 1:39-45).Orthodox Christians have always viewed the willful abortion of unborn children as a heinous act of evil. The Church’s canonical tradition identifies any action intended to destroy a fetus as the crime of murder (Ancyra, Canon 21; Trullo, Canon 91; St. Basil, Canon 2).
Convinced of these God-revealed truths, we offer the following affirmations and admonitions for the guidance of the faithful: